August 19, 2009

Coming of Age (draft)

The school bell about to ring in 5 minutes and that meant school was over. It was time for our 8th grade retreat overnighter at Saint Stephens. This field trip was the first, ever, to have an overnighter. “Remember today and tomorrow is going to make your 8th grade year more special”, the teachers’ tell us, “And remember we will also be collecting your cell phones because this field trip requires your focus on God and your friends.” As people are lining up putting their phone’s in a Ziploc bag and writing their names on them, they start saying whether or not they could handle two days and one night without it. Some say yes, others say no, the rest say they will try.

Once we all boarded the bus and sat in our seats we sang songs like our school alma mater just to past the time. We reached St. Stephens in Kaneohe minutes later and walked down a hill going to where we were sleeping. It had an apartment look to it which looked safe enough for me. We were assigned rooms and roommates so that we could get along with each other more. But its not like we weren't getting along, they just wanted us to have a stronger bond before we graduate.

There were a variety of activities that we all did. One that I remembered most was writing down on a piece of paper positive information about that person and place it inside of their paper bag. Reading what people put in my bag made me happier. We also sang along and danced with the band that played at our retreat. They remixed songs so it talks about God and how great he is. Another was the trust walk where we stood in a line and put our hands on the people's shoulders infront of us and close our eyes. That proved I and the rest trusted who was leading us where ever they walked.

When the retreat came to an end, we had an ending prayer that touched me and I knew that this retreat wasn't just any regular retreat but one that made me know more about myself, my friends, and especially more about God. The retreat made me closer to God and made me realize that I was graduating in a few months. We had more of a responsiblity now and since then I look back on those days and realize it changed me from the inside out.

3 comments:

  1. AMBER THOMSEN:
    I enjoyed reading how you felt closer to god after your retreat. I liked how detailed it was and lead me through the begining to the end.
    But maybe you could elaborate on the activities you did and how they changed you to be the person you are today so I could empathize with you more.
    GOOD LUCK!!!

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  2. Your essay was good. I can see how much your retreat meant to you, and finding yourself.
    You kind of had pretty good details.
    I think that you should add more details to let the reader's feel and imgaine what you did and felt at the retreat.
    You should add more detail to your activites that you did and explain it more. good job though:)

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  3. Hi Thea,
    I agree with the other comments that your retreat must have meant a lot to you.
    I also agree with them that you need more specific details. I think if you can get more specific, more of your voice and emotion will emerge. Right now, you describe what happened but the description is fairly general and so the reader does not get that much of a sense of your involvement or voice in the piece--the feeling that you were really there...
    More specifics will make your experience "come alive" for your reader :)
    mrs s

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