Topic: Hazing
Thesis: Hazing happens in schools especially to the students. It should be prevented in sports, soririties, and fraternities because of the harm it does to the students.
Hazing has been detected as a humiliating or abusive conduct or method of initiation into any student organization. It has been increasingly problematic for society. Students see hazing as a stronger bond with their brothers, sisters, etc. and a taught lesson about themselves. Hazing doesn't only cause a bond but harm and hurt to the students therefore it should be prevented.
Hazing is generally caused in big groups such as sports and sororities or fraternities. It happens because of the initiation of one in order to be accepted into that organization. Its supporters acclaim the virtues of the practice by focusing on its ability to build character and a strong bond between each other. But behind that initiation the one being hazed has to do deeds that aren't so fun and exciting.
Hazing is any form of subjecting another student to abusive or ridiculous tricks to frighten, scold, beat, or harass him or her or dubject the student to personal embarassment. This is violence directed at specific individuals as part of the initiation process. It is both physical and emotional harassment of prospective members. An example of the most obvious method of hazing is to shave a members hair off.
Overall, hazing instills fear and respect in the hearts of younger members when interacting with their more esteemed and older teammates. Of course its more important to create a bond between teammates and put ahead that fear and awe in opposition. But respect should be earned and not demanded. Also, no one deserves to go through the pain of hazing. It should still be prevented because of the causes it had done to our students and their personalitites.
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Hey Thea!!
ReplyDeleteYou have a good essay and it's set up in a good way, but you don't have an opposing argument to go against and take a stance..
But that is pretty much all you have to fix:)
Good Luck! :D
-Jisel
hey Thea,
ReplyDeletewelllet me start off with you thesis:i think it could be improved by maybe combining the two to make it stronger. If im correct your subtopic is why teens haze? Well it seems like your going to start talking about why it should be prevented.
I lkike how you put the definition in there tell the audience exactly what hazing is.I see your opposing side is good but i think you should put a little more of why they think it "build character." It seems more like an informational paper than a pro con. In the begining i see your side but then i lost your side(pro) because your focusing more on the types of hazing and who gets hazed.
But on the flip side,i think your conclusion is REALLY good, i really like is. I think its pretty strong:)
Good luck
Amber
Hi Thea,
ReplyDeleteYou present ideas for and against hazing, but you need to cite specific examples, from research, of specific practices that result in strong bonds and learning (for the con) and humiliation and harm (for the pro). Right now, it's mostly the definition of hazing that you are presenting, rather than specific situations in which it occurred.
Also, work on your organization. The ideas seem repeated in paragraphs. Be sure that each new paragraph contains a new idea and that all related ideas are presented together in the essay.
Be very careful not to use exact words from your research without quotation marks. You need to use your own words or place words taken from your sources in quotes.
Amber did a good job on her critique and analysis of your argument. I agree with her about your conclusion, except that the very last sentence in the conclusion needs revision.
Let me know if you have questions.
mrs s